What you can't have, what he can't be
by Sauntering Justice
Summary: Wilson wonders, which is exactly what House wants him to do. HouseWilson preslash.


Warnings: Er, House is portrayed as none-too-nice, I suppose. Ah, yes. It's second person. Hope that doesn't scare too many people off.

Summary: Wilson wonders - which is exactly what House wants him to do.

Disclaimer: By the lack of official slashy couples in the show, you know it's not mine.

_-It's wrong, you know -_ You shouldn't want him in your life. Especially not the way you do. Half the time, you don't even admit it to its extremes - you know you want him, but there are thoughts in your mind that you refuse to ever let surface into your conscious reality.

_-He's your best friend -_ You always care about him more than you should, more than he probably deserves. What does he have to do to push you away? You've watched him through everything, always helping, always caring. You can never ignore him. People wonder why. They always talk about you two. The only person who will ever stand his presence, the only person that when they are looking for him, they find as well.

_-You're better than him-_ He's a misanthropic drug addict. He doesn't care for people, especially not the way you do. He's always in front criticizing, you're always in back comforting. You pick up those who he makes fall. You take care of yourself, but put others before you. You don't know if he trusts anyone, not even you. Someone told you that he cared about you, but you can't bring yourself to believe them. They said it was actions, not words that signified the care. You think of his actions, and you sigh - you won't even touch on his words.

_-He slows you down-_ They called you a prodigy, a boy wonder. You used to be. The day you set foot in that building for the first time, you were energetic, gung ho about saving lives. They warned you not to talk to him. When you met him, you couldn't understand why. He didn't seem like the monster they'd been talking about. Turns out he was. It was just more subtle than you'd imagined. Your work ethic decreased slowly - now you're rarely in your office, always in his, chipping in opinions neither needed or appreciated. You don't understand the meaning of your work anymore, and perhaps that's the reason you avoid it. You'd like that, wouldn't you? A justification for everything, one that doesn't leave him at the root cause of it all. You don't want to admit it, but you supported his betrayer. Without him, you wonder if your life would be successful.

_-He wants to make you wonder-_ To him, it's all a question. Life, death, and just about everything in between. He truly is the person who leaves no stone unturned. You used to be more than happy to just go about your daily life, never pondering meaningless things. You used to be faithful - he crushed your religion, pointed out its flaws. You don't understand him, but you can't hate him - he does have a point. More frequently now, you find yourself wondering - exactly what he wants you to do. It used to be that when one of your patients died, you accepted it. They died, and you had a general idea of what had killed them - it was always cancer at the end of it all. Leave it to the coroner to do the autopsies - don't tell you the results, it doesn't matter, it's all final anyway. When that girl died last week, you were standing next to the autopsy table, watching them analyse her death. Just to make sure that there was nothing you missed. He watched you, and he smiled. He wants to make people like him - if he's not entirely happy, then why should you be?

_-You know his secrets, not the cause-_ You can look at him, and diagnose him. You know better though, keeping your opinions to yourself, knowing that psychiatrics scare him. He wants to believe he's in control of his life, of his destiny. You wonder how he can still cling to that _idealism_, despite the physical proof that he's not. He's never been in control. You know that much, but you don't even know who actually is. When you were still growing up, you would have instantly been convinced that God controls each and everyone. Now, you're none too sure. It's something you'd like, a return to idealistic childhood days. You always want what you can't have. He's always reached to what he can't be.

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Don't you love how Wilson's subconscious ignores his own evil side, and infidelities?

Please review, darlings. :)


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